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Merah Putih

Gw sama Indonesia itu ibarat dua sejoli dalam love and hate relationship. Gw terlahir di tanah yang diperjuangkan orang-orang terdahulu. Nggak keitung berapa juta nyawa hilang untuk itu. Gw bersyukur gw nggak perlu lagi bawa bambu runcing untuk merebut negeri ini dari tangan penjajah. Sejak sebelum nikah gw mulai "berteman" dengan birokrasi dua negara. Birokrasi dari Belanda, tentu saja tidak seribet birokrasi di negeri ini. Segala macam email akan segera dibalas dan dibantu untuk dihubungkan ke pihak terkait atau yang menangani itu. Bahkan untuk permintaan Schengen visa tipe kunjungan keluarga di masa pandemik ini diberikan high priority dan email dibalas dalam sekejap. Sedangkan di Indonesia, aaahhh yaaa gitu dehh.

Tapi, nggak akan pernah gw pungkiri tiap kali gw denger lagu Indonesia Raya gw selalu mewek. Tiap kali liat bendera Indonesia, gw diam sebentar  berterima kasih atas nikmat bisa tinggal di negeri ini tanpa perlu memegang senjata. Gw bener-bener marah saat suami g…

Cant Stand The Crowds


I am not a party person. I hate loud music, loud voice, everything loud I hate that. This is the reason I hate to go to the night clubs. For what? Party? Dancing? Drinking? Then what? Going home with a super headache head? If I go to the place like that, my introvert side will pop up and make me tired in no time.

My friends in Surabaya once took me to a night club. I thought hmm okay why not, lets see what will happen there. But nah, I did not enjoy any moments of it. It was fun to be with them, but I did not enjoy the music or whatever crowds was. But that kind of loud music I can handle if it is only one source of loud music. What I cant handle is when I am in the middle of crowds with so many sources of voice (although it is not loud but crowded), that is the worse. Worse ever.

When we were in Istanbul, there was an underpass filled with so many vendors, countless people, so noisy, too crowded, so many languages spoken there, too hot, it is even make me feel tired by thinking about that again now. The underpass was not that far, probably less than 50 meters. But it took ages for me to pass it. I could not handle it. Covered my ears, walked fast, and once I made it to the end of the underpass, I sat in the corner and cried. I really cried. It was too much that I cant handle ever.

My husband of course did not understand why I cried. Maybe he thought that I was just exaggerate it. I can imagine if he cant understand it. I cant control myself even after I got out. It was really too much. I also did not understand why I cried, but lately I think about it and it is probably because I have a little bit of me being introvert. My husband can handle it, but I cant.

Once we passed it, I was too afraid to go back there and walk through the underpass again. I did not exaggerate it, it was too scary for me to go back again. But eh we walked through it again and I took a very deep breathe then walk in a not~very quick steps but did not stop. I control my pace so I can survive. After a few minutes I survived. I almost cried again but I can handle it. I just stopped, stood for awhile, taking breathe before continue the walk. Then I got ice cream to chill myself.

Today, I had my Dutch class, she suddenly act exactly like me when I am in the middle of the crowds. We had a really tough morning, this morning kinda busy with classes in the second floor so can you imagine the voices of people speaking English, Nederland, Japanese, I even mumbling myself with Korean, in one place? That was hard. It influence me and made me cant focus on my first 15 mins. We closed the door and said that we cant handle this crowds. The noise from every sources in one place is killing us. It may sounds childish, but every people has its own problem.

I found a way to control my feelings. When I go to the crowds place unintentionally, I always have my headphone with me and I choose to listen to the songs or audiobook, a bit louder. So what comes from my headphone will beat the crowds. So far it helps. 

So when you are with someone who cant handle this situation, do not get mad. They probably struggling inside to deal with it. Ask them, and take them to a less crowd place to take a breathe and control their feeling inside. It helps a lot.

Comments

  1. Percaya atau enggak, setiap orang itu kaya punya 'alamnya' sendiri. Kalo kita bukan anak parti, trus sok-sokan ikutan parti pasti rasanya aneh. Sama juga sama anak yang hobi parti trus suruh ngendon di tempat yang sepi pasti rasanya juga aneh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kalo kata anak matematika semestanya beda haha!
      ndak isa maksain diri juga jadinya, ga bakal masuk. masa iya bkn anak party diajak party yg dibuka kindle ditengah2 kebisingan lol

      Delete
    2. Joget mbak, malah bukak kindle

      -__-'

      Delete

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