A Home For My Thoughts

Geneva ... tapi bukan di Indonesia 😂 Gatau deh ini akhir-akhir ini aku suka banget nontonin kanal orang di youtube yang tinggal di desa, bisa self sufficient banget, tenang, damai, slow. Trus nonton Gilmore Girls, Virgin River juga. Suka aja ngeliatnya. Emang bener kehidupan di desa memang terasa berjalan lebih lambat karena nggak ada yang ngejar-ngejar. Nggak macet dan nggak sebising kota. Sebenernya mau gw simple. Gw emang banyak maunya sih tapi ya kenapa emang? Siapa tau diaminin malaikat lho. Gw pengennya tinggal di tempat desa yang alamnya itu masih lebih banyak daripada manusianya. Tapi kalo bisa sih fasilitasnya udah lengkap termasuk fasilitas kesehatan ya, terlebih lagi soal internet! Internet cepet adalah koentji.  Sempet lho kepikiran, "Ah gw pengen tinggal di NZ. Jumlah kambingnya aja jauh lebih banyak dari jumlah manusianya." Atau tinggal di sana tapi yang masih bisa nemu kang bakso, lontong kupang, sate, cilok, cimol, lupis, getuk lindri lewat depan rumah gitu.

I am turning 30 soon. I was excited that "Woah! My 30's gonna be something! I am excited." But I also forgot that it means we're getting older. My parents, uncles, aunties, everyone I have in my life. I still see them like a child seeing her important adults in her life. I always thought that I am 5 and they're in their 30's. Not realising that they're entering their 50's. My uncle passed away this morning. I am feeling closer to uncles from my mom side than from my dad's. Even though we were closed when I was a kid and we became like a stranger lately, but I have my own place for him in my heart. I thought, I wouldn't cry. I was wrong. I sat down when I made breakfast this morning and I cried. It is breaking my heart. How could he left me like that? It's unfair for him.  I called my cousin after his funeral. First thing she said was “I dont have a father anymore” 😔 Breaks my heart even more. Not only him, my aunties and uncle from my fath

Sanur Introverts are yearning for deep talks and always exhausted for small talks. Small talks can be fun, but only when it's not too much. Deep talk is always energizing. I didn't know back then. It was weird for me that I can't jump into society as smoothly as my friends. I can't do small talks with my neighbors. I tend to stay at home and enjoy my own battle in my mind. I felt that people think I am a quiet person.  When I start to have my own ideas, opinions, and such, I told myself that I am not someone who can't talk. I remember my English teacher gave us the task to find foreigners to have small conversations with. I didn't live in Bali so I can't just randomly bump into foreigners so we did it from the internet. I guess I am addicted to it because I found some great people to discuss with and we're still being friends today. Don't you worry, introverts make some friends too. Fellow introverts 😂 No, I mean, I have some extrovert friends and w

Sanur As the firstborn, I am "automatically responsible" to my other siblings. That trained me so well on how to be a decision-maker. Because at any time, small things happening, I have to make the right and quick decision. That includes what I have to do with my life so that my siblings can see the good there. Would be better if they can do better than me.  Burdened by, "You have to be the best example for your siblings to follow". Well... I believe many of you feel that way.  I grew up studied mathematics in university. No, I don't really remember what did I learn that much. Perhaps only 50% of all classes I took. But one thing I know, this whole mathematics class for 9 semesters taught me how to simplify bigger problems, turn them into smaller ones, and make the right decision. At least, acceptable decision. I use my brain more than feelings when I make a decision. Although I know, a little bit touch of feeling is good too. I just, never make any decision whe

Sanur Have you guys ever thought about this; being a grownup means you have to be responsible for (almost) everything, be tough, and many of us losing the joy in small things?  I read one of Jostein Gaarder books when I started my college year. That was because my roommate had a task to finish “Sophie’s World” for her philosophy class. She told me “read this book! Well... not Sophie’s World but this one first” She gave me Cecilia’s World. “This one is the thinnest one, give it a try!” Mindblown! One thing I remember that Cecilia (or her grandma) said “Adults forgot how to be a kid, how to find the joy in small things, they forgot that. They shouldn’t!” Why do I suddenly remember that? Because I was overjoyed last night knowing that my iPad sticking to my oven when I put it there. Of course, because it is magnetic. But now, I am sure that it won’t fall! That got me joyous for the rest of the night! Lol.  Silly? Yes. Adults would think that way. But you know what? That what makes us sane