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Tiga bulan pertama hidup di luar Indonesia

Gw kira rasanya akan sama aja. Ada rasa kangen ya wajar karena jauh dari tempat yang selama ini kita sebut familiar. Tapi ternyata ada rasa rindu yang pukulannya berbeda.  Di kasus gw, gw cuma kenal satu orang Indonesia. Beliau bilang kalau mau temen jalan-jalan bisa lah berkabar biar jalan bareng. Tapi karena gw ada kerja dari senin-jumat, sedangkan beliau nggak, jadinya waktu kami seringkali nggak pas. Sedangkan di akhir pekan, gw habiskan bersama suami.  Bulan pertama masih terasa integrasi. Berusaha mengenal supermarket mana yang jual apa. Cari ini itu di mana. Menghafal jalur transportasi umum. Mengenal, membaca dan memahami nama daerah atau tempat dari huruf cyrilic-nya untuk sekedar "kalau nyasar, bisa kasih tau suami lagi ada di mana" karena seringkali online maps dihambat pemerintah.  Bulan kedua sudah mulai mengenal banyak hal. Sudah punya kartu atm untuk pembayaran. Visa panjang juga sudah di tangan. Mulai berhati-hati dengan banyak hal, mana yang boleh mana ya...
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Death used to be so far away from my family

I am turning 30 soon. I was excited that "Woah! My 30's gonna be something! I am excited." But I also forgot that it means we're getting older. My parents, uncles, aunties, everyone I have in my life. I still see them like a child seeing her important adults in her life. I always thought that I am 5 and they're in their 30's. Not realising that they're entering their 50's.

My uncle passed away this morning. I am feeling closer to uncles from my mom side than from my dad's. Even though we were closed when I was a kid and we became like a stranger lately, but I have my own place for him in my heart. I thought, I wouldn't cry. I was wrong. I sat down when I made breakfast this morning and I cried. It is breaking my heart. How could he left me like that? It's unfair for him. 

I called my cousin after his funeral. First thing she said was “I dont have a father anymore” 😔 Breaks my heart even more.

Not only him, my aunties and uncle from my father side too. They're leaving one by one. They were my closest people too. I lost too many in two years. It breaks my heart. 

I am afraid, I told my friend this morning. Remember that our time here is temporary and every day matters, he said. I guess he's right. 

Omoni, that's how I used to call you instead of Om Roni. You were such a beautiful soul. Thank you for breaking my arm back then when I was just 4. Now you're breaking my heart 💔.  Enjoy your next journey. Would you please say hi to mami and papi there? Tell them I miss them so much. You'll be missed 💙

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