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Hey, I Am Turning 30!

I always thought that wherever I go, August will be the hottest month of the year. Because it is summer for most people. August is my favourite but I always hated it for being the hottest month. But hey, if I move my ass to Australia, I'll be having August in winter!  I forgot that Australia is different. Although it is considered winter, the weather seems good between 15-22 degrees. It's the best temperature ever. August is my favourite month of the year.  Anyway, I am turning 30 today. A new milestone. I am feeling anxious lately. Some people said, "You're a young adult in your 20s but you became an adult when you turn 30" yea that definitely didn't help my anxiety.  When my mum was 30, I was already 10. So yes I had this in my mind, "30 is serious age, by that time I am probably married, have one of two toddlers." Everything was planned traditionally just like how I saw my mum. Graduate, job, married, having kids, living like a normal family. Turn

Death used to be so far away from my family

I am turning 30 soon. I was excited that "Woah! My 30's gonna be something! I am excited." But I also forgot that it means we're getting older. My parents, uncles, aunties, everyone I have in my life. I still see them like a child seeing her important adults in her life. I always thought that I am 5 and they're in their 30's. Not realising that they're entering their 50's.

My uncle passed away this morning. I am feeling closer to uncles from my mom side than from my dad's. Even though we were closed when I was a kid and we became like a stranger lately, but I have my own place for him in my heart. I thought, I wouldn't cry. I was wrong. I sat down when I made breakfast this morning and I cried. It is breaking my heart. How could he left me like that? It's unfair for him. 

I called my cousin after his funeral. First thing she said was “I dont have a father anymore” 😔 Breaks my heart even more.

Not only him, my aunties and uncle from my father side too. They're leaving one by one. They were my closest people too. I lost too many in two years. It breaks my heart. 

I am afraid, I told my friend this morning. Remember that our time here is temporary and every day matters, he said. I guess he's right. 

Omoni, that's how I used to call you instead of Om Roni. You were such a beautiful soul. Thank you for breaking my arm back then when I was just 4. Now you're breaking my heart 💔.  Enjoy your next journey. Would you please say hi to mami and papi there? Tell them I miss them so much. You'll be missed 💙

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