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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu

Death used to be so far away from my family

I am turning 30 soon. I was excited that "Woah! My 30's gonna be something! I am excited." But I also forgot that it means we're getting older. My parents, uncles, aunties, everyone I have in my life. I still see them like a child seeing her important adults in her life. I always thought that I am 5 and they're in their 30's. Not realising that they're entering their 50's.

My uncle passed away this morning. I am feeling closer to uncles from my mom side than from my dad's. Even though we were closed when I was a kid and we became like a stranger lately, but I have my own place for him in my heart. I thought, I wouldn't cry. I was wrong. I sat down when I made breakfast this morning and I cried. It is breaking my heart. How could he left me like that? It's unfair for him. 

I called my cousin after his funeral. First thing she said was “I dont have a father anymore” 😔 Breaks my heart even more.

Not only him, my aunties and uncle from my father side too. They're leaving one by one. They were my closest people too. I lost too many in two years. It breaks my heart. 

I am afraid, I told my friend this morning. Remember that our time here is temporary and every day matters, he said. I guess he's right. 

Omoni, that's how I used to call you instead of Om Roni. You were such a beautiful soul. Thank you for breaking my arm back then when I was just 4. Now you're breaking my heart 💔.  Enjoy your next journey. Would you please say hi to mami and papi there? Tell them I miss them so much. You'll be missed 💙

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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu