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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu

Hey, I Am Turning 30!

I always thought that wherever I go, August will be the hottest month of the year. Because it is summer for most people. August is my favourite but I always hated it for being the hottest month. But hey, if I move my ass to Australia, I'll be having August in winter! 

I forgot that Australia is different. Although it is considered winter, the weather seems good between 15-22 degrees. It's the best temperature ever. August is my favourite month of the year. 

Anyway, I am turning 30 today. A new milestone. I am feeling anxious lately. Some people said, "You're a young adult in your 20s but you became an adult when you turn 30" yea that definitely didn't help my anxiety. 

When my mum was 30, I was already 10. So yes I had this in my mind, "30 is serious age, by that time I am probably married, have one of two toddlers." Everything was planned traditionally just like how I saw my mum. Graduate, job, married, having kids, living like a normal family. Turns out, life is not how I planned it. But I am enjoying every bit of it 💙

Looking back to my 20s, if I knew all of these then I might do things differently. No, I don't regret it, just... I would do it differently. It happened anyway. 

Oh, one thing that I can't believe is happening ... I got this "pulled a muscle" more often than 10 years ago OH.MY.GOD. 🙈 Oh, I also recently walking a lot more than usual. I always loved to walk but it stopped for a few years. I just started it again. It feels good. 

Living for 30 years got me realized that I am not behind anyone. I am walking on my own term, my own timeline. I may reach a higher level other than people, I may be behind too. But that doesn't matter because they're not my goals. I have my own. 

30 is something big for me. I am having mental breakdowns pretty often lately. Not to mention that this whole situation make it even harder. There is a lot of shitty adult stuff happening and my poor brain can't take it all at once. I am feeling burnout easily. I thought I can handle it, but I guess I reached the point where I would need to just ... "fuck it!"  

I am grateful for staying healthy, surrounded by special people in my life. My grandma usually always be the first to say happy birthday to me. It’s my second birthday without her. I miss her so much.

And for some people who try to screw me, FUCK YOU! You'll pay for that.

One thing for sure though, I am happy with myself and I take it seriously. I can compromise but I don't please people, I know what I want. My personal life and personal choices are off-limits. Of course, sometimes I lose track but I am always back to it. I can be hard on myself, I can be so soft and letting myself cry all night and bounce back the next day. Sometimes life hits you that hard, and the only one who can save yourself is you.

Have a great 30, me. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay and it's gonna be exciting. Thanks for surviving and I love you. 💚

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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu