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Fire in the Building

Who would have thought that I  experienced fire in the building.  This is my first time living in an appartement. Of course I never chose appartement when living in Indonesia because it’s a real high risk when the earthquake happen. But here we are placed in an appartement. What got me relieved the first time that we are in the lowest floor so if something happen we will be quickly evacuated.  That’s what I thought.  Until it really happened.  We slept around midnight and abruptly woken up by the noise outside. I thought it was the drunk people just got back from night club or the restaurant next door was doing some deep cleaning. So loud that I had to wake up. My husband peeked outside and immediately said “fire brigade outside, you wait here!” I was just “am I dreaming or what?” I put on clothes, checked outside and saw a few of fire trucks. I checked the other side of the appartement and saw a few of police cars and ambulances.  “Oh no, something serious...
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Feeling Balanced

Never thought that I could feel this balanced. I now understand what zen is. 

After all ups and downs that made me question my existential (probably won't be the last), I am starting to feel only love and less hate. As if love and compassion filling my heart every day. It's easy to annoy me normally, but so far, this past couple of months I feel less annoyed. So weird, crazy, yet amazing.

Say, when I hear people talking about things I prefer not to talk about, like polygamy, I don't feel hate anymore. Usually, I'll say bad words, cursing them, you name it. But last night I watched a video about that and it made me feel "HA HA HA Stupid ignorant reasons" that was it. I thought I'll be emotional and angry, but I didn't. I even take pity for them. I know it's their right to do so, but the youngest wife wanted to go to college, and instead, she is married to that old guy who promised her to pay for her college. But that never happens (yet) even after 3 years of marriage. Poor girl has to take care of their kids. Anyway, not my business.

I even asked myself, "Why am I feeling okay for so long? Is this normal?" There are usually a lot of emotions going on in my life, shifting one to another in a few seconds. Well... some things still annoy me but the shield I have told me "This is your choice to choose whether you want to be angry, feel annoyed, anything. But those don't really matter actually." So I choose peace. 

"Nah, doesn't matter." There is no hidden feeling too. I became so honest to myself, about what I felt in a certain situation. The love flows harder than anger or hate. So love wins! 

This is what makes me feel more love for my husband. Like I have overflowing love, so I need to spread it to people or beings around me. I became more conscious, content, more sensitive to those around me. Well, being more sensitive is still a work in progress because it's new and hard, affecting my body and mind shifting. I still hate having headaches and mood swings that don't even come within me. 

I am ditching not-so-important stuff, putting my phone down which got me more time to read books. Btw, I read 7 books in less than 2 months. For me, that's a big number. I got my reading appetite back after years. Life feels more relaxed even though I have a lot of things to do or work on. Mentally state right now: relaxed and content. It's that peace of mind that everyone wants to feel.

How about you? Have you found your peace of mind yet?

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Comments

  1. baristarasaNovember 21, 2021 at 10:38 PM

    Keren sekali masih bisa baca buku.
    Rindu banget membaca tulisan di kertas, nih. Huhu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Prisca AdityaNovember 22, 2021 at 3:33 PM

      Akupun terkejut bisa habis 7 buku 2 bulan. Udah bertahun2 ngabisin satu buku satu tahun aja susah banget. Mungkin krn capek ngeliat layar hp/laptop kali ya? Akhirnya matanya memilih untuk istirahat dg baca tulisan di kertas.

      Delete
    2. baristarasaNovember 22, 2021 at 5:26 PM

      PErnah nyoba buat baca ebook, tapi serasa mata cepat pegal.

      Delete
    3. Prisca AdityaDecember 13, 2021 at 11:11 AM

      Coba pakai kindle, cahayanya lebih deket ke buku kertas daripada layar.

      Delete

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Fire in the Building

Who would have thought that I  experienced fire in the building.  This is my first time living in an appartement. Of course I never chose appartement when living in Indonesia because it’s a real high risk when the earthquake happen. But here we are placed in an appartement. What got me relieved the first time that we are in the lowest floor so if something happen we will be quickly evacuated.  That’s what I thought.  Until it really happened.  We slept around midnight and abruptly woken up by the noise outside. I thought it was the drunk people just got back from night club or the restaurant next door was doing some deep cleaning. So loud that I had to wake up. My husband peeked outside and immediately said “fire brigade outside, you wait here!” I was just “am I dreaming or what?” I put on clothes, checked outside and saw a few of fire trucks. I checked the other side of the appartement and saw a few of police cars and ambulances.  “Oh no, something serious...
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