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Getting my Hands on Film Camera

In attempts to slow_myself_down_away_from_digital_life, I am getting my hands on film camera. Yes, the kind of camera where you need to put the film roll in and then start snapping. If you are lucky, the pictures will turn up good but if not then we let the fate decide. This is not my first rodeo on using film camera, but it definitely the first ever to buy the film and develop it using my own money. It is not cheap, which I know.  What can I say, it's an expensive hobby.  I used my first film roll to take photos of my favorite people. So it has more human than random pictures. It was on family event. After the last shot, I wanted to develop it before I flew to Bali but they had no lab. Luckily we have the lab in Bali. I developed and scanned the film in Ojisanfilmlab Bali. They're just a google away. They sell the roll as well. I had to tell the TSA to do the hand checking rather putting it through the scanner. They understood.  Cimol hides himself in his favorite spot ...
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You'll Be Missed, Grandma

 
I took this flower-picture a few minutes before you leave us. That was the only time I leave you out of my sight.

It's been a week, you are not around. Usually you open my door in the morning while holding Molly the cat, and said "Wake up, don't be late to work" Haven't heard that for a week now. 

All of sudden you can't walk, you can't lift your arm, you can't talk properly you got a speech problem, you got a severe headache. Well it was not easy to bring you back to your room from the kitchen since you were well.. heavy. But I see it now as a kind of chance you gave me (and my lil sister) and I am thankful for that.

It was a stroke and you had more than 50% blockage blood vessels in your brain. It was weird since you felt nothing before and you were fine. Nothing different physically. We really hoped that you'll recover. We even got plans how to take care of you when you leave hospital.

But God knows better, right? God took you back right in front of me, my little sister and your first son.

We thought, you'll recover soon as you can lift your leg and arm although it was for a bit only. You even talked normal again. Even asked me how was the chicken curry you cooked the day you got the stroke. You even asked all of my friends. You were so chatty. That is why you knew all of my friends although you haven't meet them. You don't even need to see them and yet you always ask me about them. You recognize me. You recognize everyone who visit you there. How can I not think that you'll recover?

It is not easy for me. It is the first death I've seen with my own eyes, and it was yours. I saw you. I clearly saw you. My legs were frozen when doctor said that you're gone. I can't believe it. Ya how can I believe it if 30 mins ago for 2 hours you asked us to massage your legs and arms non stop while you were talking about people you know?

I tried to shake your body, who knows you'll wake up right? But no. You look like in a deep sleep. Can't really cry until I saw you were about to leave us. I am sorry, burst into tears that much when I saw you in your grave. It just too painful to see you leave us that suddenly.

But we will be too selfish if we want you stay with those pain you felt. I am sure it was too painful for you to survive.


Now you leave us to be with Papi. He's been waiting for you for 12 years and your grave is next to his. It is beautiful to see you both that way. You look so beautiful in your last moment.

So now, farewell grandma. Greeting to papi. Tell him we miss him so much. And mami, you'll be missed 💙

We love you.

Sat, 11 May 2019
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