Skip to main content

Sepatu Winter Pertama

Moscow Dulu, masih sempet pakai sepatu dengan hak 5 cm waktu kerja kantoran. Ya karena harus keliatan formal aja sih, meskipun nggak ada yang ngelarang juga kalau mau sepatu sneakers pun. Toh juga waktu kerja sepatu dilepas dan pakai sendal jepit.  Tapi itu sudah lama sekali. Setelahnya, bertahun-tahun hanya punya 1 sepatu sneakers dan 1 sandal. Sendal jepit punya lah ya, kan hidup di Bali. Salah satu esensial itu. Sebenernya alesannya sederhana, bukan karena nggak mau punya sepatu lebih dari satu tapi lebih ke males harus nyocokin sepatu lagi ke kaki yang belum tentu enak dipakainya.  Sepatu itu adalah hal esensial yang buat gw nggak apa mahal yang penting nyaman. Karena taruhannya di pijakan, dan itu bisa berdampak ke banyak hal kalau salah pilih sepatu. Jalan kaki adalah bagian besar dari hidup gw, jadi punya sepatu nyaman adalah hal yang tidak bisa dinego.  Nah, meskipun gw beberapa kali pernah jalan-jalan saat musim dingin, Moskow ini agak beda. Kalau di Belanda, mes...
Post a Comment

You'll Be Missed, Grandma

 
I took this flower-picture a few minutes before you leave us. That was the only time I leave you out of my sight.

It's been a week, you are not around. Usually you open my door in the morning while holding Molly the cat, and said "Wake up, don't be late to work" Haven't heard that for a week now. 

All of sudden you can't walk, you can't lift your arm, you can't talk properly you got a speech problem, you got a severe headache. Well it was not easy to bring you back to your room from the kitchen since you were well.. heavy. But I see it now as a kind of chance you gave me (and my lil sister) and I am thankful for that.

It was a stroke and you had more than 50% blockage blood vessels in your brain. It was weird since you felt nothing before and you were fine. Nothing different physically. We really hoped that you'll recover. We even got plans how to take care of you when you leave hospital.

But God knows better, right? God took you back right in front of me, my little sister and your first son.

We thought, you'll recover soon as you can lift your leg and arm although it was for a bit only. You even talked normal again. Even asked me how was the chicken curry you cooked the day you got the stroke. You even asked all of my friends. You were so chatty. That is why you knew all of my friends although you haven't meet them. You don't even need to see them and yet you always ask me about them. You recognize me. You recognize everyone who visit you there. How can I not think that you'll recover?

It is not easy for me. It is the first death I've seen with my own eyes, and it was yours. I saw you. I clearly saw you. My legs were frozen when doctor said that you're gone. I can't believe it. Ya how can I believe it if 30 mins ago for 2 hours you asked us to massage your legs and arms non stop while you were talking about people you know?

I tried to shake your body, who knows you'll wake up right? But no. You look like in a deep sleep. Can't really cry until I saw you were about to leave us. I am sorry, burst into tears that much when I saw you in your grave. It just too painful to see you leave us that suddenly.

But we will be too selfish if we want you stay with those pain you felt. I am sure it was too painful for you to survive.


Now you leave us to be with Papi. He's been waiting for you for 12 years and your grave is next to his. It is beautiful to see you both that way. You look so beautiful in your last moment.

So now, farewell grandma. Greeting to papi. Tell him we miss him so much. And mami, you'll be missed 💙

We love you.

Sat, 11 May 2019
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Share your thoughts with me here

Popular posts from this blog

Getting my Hands on Film Camera

In attempts to slow_myself_down_away_from_digital_life, I am getting my hands on film camera. Yes, the kind of camera where you need to put the film roll in and then start snapping. If you are lucky, the pictures will turn up good but if not then we let the fate decide. This is not my first rodeo on using film camera, but it definitely is the first ever to buy the film and develop it using my own money. It is not cheap, which I know.  What can I say, it's an expensive hobby.  I used my first film roll to take photos of my favorite people. So it has more human than random pictures. It was on family event. After the last shot, I wanted to develop it before I flew to Bali but they had no lab. Luckily we have the lab in Bali. I developed and scanned the film in Ojisanfilmlab Bali. They're just a google away. They sell the roll as well. I had to tell the TSA to do the hand checking rather putting it through the scanner. They understood.  Cimol hides himself in his favorite sp...
Post a Comment
More »

Snailmail

I signed up in an international portal since I was at high school. I was a quiet one, not much talk especially with stranger. But since that day, I feel myself get easier to talk to strangers. In that portal, there are several options why you join there, including 'flirting', that is shown on the optional boxes. And I found something interesting, snailmail. I never heard about this before, but I thought it is like a mail that goes slower because snail always walking so slow. Then someone chatted me and told me that she want to snailmail. I asked her what is that and she said 'it is postcard swapping'.   was taken at Museum Angkut years ago. taken using my old unique phone Wow.. postcard swapping.. my granny and I did it long time ago before mobile phone was invented. Well I mean before we all use mobile phone to connect to each other. I have family in The Netherlands, and we only have a phone, if we call them using home phone it would cost a lot for even few minu...
17 comments
More »

Sepatu Winter Pertama

Moscow Dulu, masih sempet pakai sepatu dengan hak 5 cm waktu kerja kantoran. Ya karena harus keliatan formal aja sih, meskipun nggak ada yang ngelarang juga kalau mau sepatu sneakers pun. Toh juga waktu kerja sepatu dilepas dan pakai sendal jepit.  Tapi itu sudah lama sekali. Setelahnya, bertahun-tahun hanya punya 1 sepatu sneakers dan 1 sandal. Sendal jepit punya lah ya, kan hidup di Bali. Salah satu esensial itu. Sebenernya alesannya sederhana, bukan karena nggak mau punya sepatu lebih dari satu tapi lebih ke males harus nyocokin sepatu lagi ke kaki yang belum tentu enak dipakainya.  Sepatu itu adalah hal esensial yang buat gw nggak apa mahal yang penting nyaman. Karena taruhannya di pijakan, dan itu bisa berdampak ke banyak hal kalau salah pilih sepatu. Jalan kaki adalah bagian besar dari hidup gw, jadi punya sepatu nyaman adalah hal yang tidak bisa dinego.  Nah, meskipun gw beberapa kali pernah jalan-jalan saat musim dingin, Moskow ini agak beda. Kalau di Belanda, mes...
Post a Comment
More »