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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu

Everyone wants to be listened to


This is a little bit about K-drama, everyone. I watched the Mystical Pop Up Bar drama or 쌍갑포차. I watched this because I love these 3 people. I did not know that it was only for 12 episodes. Turned out it has a similar concept as Hotel del Luna. That is why I love it. The highlight of this drama is when Wol Ju (the lady) was a shaman in Joseon time, killed herself because she hated human for killing her mother and no one believes her story and she had to pay back the sin she made for another 500 years by helping human to resolve their revenge. 

She still hates humans as she needs to listen to their stories and solved their problems. But she did it anyway because that's the only way to pay back her sin. Turns out that all she did now is for her unborn child, to release him from the curse (Seungjae as Kangbae is the reincarnation of her unborn child). That Gwi 반장 was her loved one from the past that also help her to finish her job without her knowing that he is her past lover (which also the father of the Kangbae).

a bull is a social creature, just like us - human

This drama is fun because they made it a comedy. But there is one value that I learned from this drama. Everyone wants to be listened to. She said it in one episode, "I've been doing this for the past 500 years and all of their problems actually came from no one listening to their stories and let them die alone without no one believing in them."

That got me to realize even more that to be listened to is one of human basic needs. Hearing and listening are something different. You can hear someone telling you their stories but that doesn't mean you listen to their stories. Sometimes when someone came to you and wants to tell you her/his story, we tend to cut their stories and tell them back about our problems (I did that, did not realize that). Or, we cut them in the middle and said "Your problem is not as hard as mine. Mine is worse than yours". Ngaku nggak lu pernah gitu? 

I am still learning how to listen than judging or "giving advice" without them asking for it. This is my mantra when someone starts to tell me something: "Do you want me to listen to your story or you need my advice?" Or without asking them like that, I'll always try to invest a few mins of the conversation to listen. At least until they stop talking and asked me what do I think about that. 

That probably applies to my closest people, when they want my opinions they'll just text me or call me and say "I want to know what do you think about this" When I listen more, I (surprisingly) get calmer. I have time to control what I feel towards the stories because it can be super annoying sometimes and super sweet too. I was not like this 3-5 years ago. But the more I listen to people, the calmer I get. So that's also how I control my reaction (I tend to overthink things).

this is how you look when someone said "your problem is not that hard, try to be grateful more" shit. his name is Boris, an old cat with a weird voice. 

Talking to people I trust what I feel is one way to release the stress. I am doing that a lot more now as I am feeling so overwhelmed with all these shits happening since February 2020. Sometimes I feel like I want to cuss something or someone to let the negative energy out for awhile. I even feel like going to a psychologist for that. It makes me feel that this kind of feeling must've been felt by many people before, that they can't control themselves and want someone to listen to their stories only to make themselves feel relieved.

The point is, listen more when someone starts to tell you about their stories or problems. You'll find out more about them when you listen to their stories. Just, try not to sabotage their storytelling time.

Would you? Have a great weekend ahead, everyone 💚

Comments

  1. let them die alone without no one believing in them
    duh nyesek banget si ini ahahah

    tapi emang cukup didengerin udah buat lega
    makanya meski susah, dengerin yang lagi curhat atau butuh untuk didengerin sangat perlu pada masa kini.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beneerr, nggak ada yg percaya atau sok menggurui pas kita butuh cuma didenger ituuu... nyebelin hahaha

      2020 ini kayake taun kita mendengar lebih banyak curhat biar legaan dikit :(

      Delete

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I Thought I Hate People, but...

Sanur ... but I actually don't! That I realized when I had dinner with H and he asked me, "Do you think she's married? The seller, she looks young but not too young."  So I said, "Uhmm I don't know and I don't care."  He then said again, "Yea I know, but I am curious about people. I am curious about what they're doing in life." That's when it came to my mind, "Wait a minute! I am also curious about people, but not their personal life like marital status, how many kids they have, what religion they believe in. I am curious about what they think about things! Ah that's why I love talking to people, no matter how introvert I am but talking to people still excites me." Then we finished our big nasi goreng together.  Looking back at it, I never really like people randomly talking to me when I was in the zone... Like zoning in and out talking to myself. But actually no, maybe it was only that we didn't sync so I went &qu